For the mere fact that this is the only place that I do my journaling, I will go through her birth story without sparing the gory details because they were a part of the process I'd like to remember but won't have written elsewhere. Take this as your fair warning to graphic details ahead.
I worked my usual 7 hours on Thursday and felt like a train wreck for most of the day. The physical act of carrying Haddie was not what was taking a toll on me. In fact I was feeling more energetic and limber as my hormones helped increase the relaxin in my body to help lower Haddie and get ready for the birthing process. But the real pain was quite literally in my ass -- I had (and still have) a hemorrhoid the size of a quartered grape and it was raging. I've had small hemorrhoids before since having Avett and they were never a bother; they left me thinking people who complained about them were major wimps. Well, I take it all back. They are so sensitive in such an area that is hard not to aggravate. Anyways, enough about my hemorrhoids; those come back into the story later. Just know that I was praying to go into labor sooner than later.
I got home around 4 and relieved Aaron of his parenting duties. A half hour later, I went to the bathroom and when I wiped I found myself having a bloody discharge. I didn't recall this occurring with Avett and seeing blood made me panic slightly. When I was almost done toileting, I found myself releasing more urine that I didn't realize I was holding in, so I questioned if this was my water breaking. For this being my second time around, I was having a much different experience and feeling greater uncertainties. To ease my mind, I called my doctor's office and the nurse told me not to worry unless the bleeding becomes heavier or contractions begin. Her exact words were "call back if you think you have an interesting story."...
I then started surfing the Internet in regards to the symptoms I was having and determined that I had lost my mucus plug. Given my description and the exact match to the definition of a mucus plug, I'm not sure why the nurse didn't associate those things together for me. Nonetheless, the internet informed me that labor could still be anywhere from one day away to 2 weeks away.
My mom came over as she normally does on Thursdays and I reviewed all my symptoms with her, but so far no further bleeding or contractions had occurred. She offered to go home and pack her bags to stay the night with Avett but I told her nothing seemed to be progressing so that wasn't necessary.
By the time I had to wake Aaron up for work around 9:30 I had had two random contractions; no where near a measurable rate. I told him about all of the above but said he should still go into work. I sent his parents a text and told them to have their bags packed to be ready to go, but that there was still no indication that they'd have to leave yet.
As I laid in bed trying to get some sleep, I started having some measurable contractions around 1230. As they were happening I couldn't help thinking about my good old friend, the hemorrhoid, and the role it was going to take on during my delivery. I started panicking thinking about the pain it was already causing and started doubting that I'd ever be able to have a natural birth again because my normal pain threshold was now going to have to be multiplied. So again, I turned to the good old trusty internet. One of the sites offered the idea of soaking in warm water, so I gave that a try. It actually felt great, helping to also relax me as a whole and work through the contractions more easily. By this point, I knew we'd be going to the hospital at some point so I called up my sister Kathryn and had her come over to stay with Avett when it was time for us to leave. It was quite fortunate for us that she had already taken PTO off in anticipation of our little girl's arrival. Rarely do our plans play out so nicely.
In the midst of it all, I was keeping Aaron updated on my status via texts. We decided he would try to work until 3 AM which would be four hours of work - this would doc him one point instead of two. As we got closer to the 2:00 hour I began feeling anxious that I wouldn't be able to wait until 3 for him to get off, drive home, pack and drive to the hospital, but I was also thinking about my labor with Avett and how I spent 17 hours laboring in the hospital so I kept telling myself we had time.
My contractions were lasting usually a minute and were anywhere from 3.5-5.5 minutes apart for at least an hour. The standard is to call the doc once your contractions are 5 minutes apart so I really was pushing it, but trying to be nonchalant about it. I called my doctor to update her on my status and she told me to have Aaron head home and then to the hospital and she would let them know we were in our way. Being that it was so early in the morning, I had clearly woken her up and she was super tired, but regardless I decided to unload my woes about my hemorrhoid before letting her get back to sleep. She said "If you plan to go natural again, the hemorrhoid is the best thing for you. You just can't push." I said "okay" and then swallowed the giant lump in my throat. All I could think about was how much pushing I did with Avett that I couldn't control. They kept telling me not to push, but the contractions were so strong I couldn't keep myself from baring down. I was so swollen during that labor and afterwards; I thought I was going to be screwed. And then I thought that this hemorrhoid was going to be the size of an apple by the end of this.
After getting off the phone with her, I got a call from Aaron. It was 2:42 and he was on his way home. He had finished all of his work and was starting to panic because things seemed to be progressing much faster than with Avett. I was so grateful for that decision.
By the time he got home, I was in enough pain that I couldn't even ask Mooey to take my last pregnancy picture before heading in to the hospital as we had with Avett. When he drove, I switched the controls for more air and less air every 2 minutes. I kept warning him to "slow down!" every time we went over a bump or took a turn.
We finally made it to the emergency and Aaron pushed me in a wheelchair to delivery. The nurse took me into my own room and immediately had me change into my gown and strapped to monitors. In comparison to Avett, I spent a decent amount of time walking the halls in my street clothes before ever changing and being laid up in bed.
I laid on my left side for most of my early laboring. My nurse, Joann, would come around for her periodic checks. I'm not sure how often these were occurring but it seemed as if every time she came by, I had dilated another cm. It also seemed as if the only time she ever asked me a question was when I was in the middle of a contraction. She even had me sign a paper as I was trying to work my way through one. I was seriously getting annoyed by this. I mean, come on,
I have other things I am trying to focus on and getting through the pain takes all of my energy. She would also press the baby's heart monitor into my stomach every time I contracted, intensifying the pain x10. I tried to readjust my focus so as to not let any of it bother me.
My doctor was not wrong when she said that the hemorrhoid would be the best thing for me. Not pestering that thing was a high priority for me. It made me center my attention on breathing through my contractions while keeping my muscles relaxed. In the in between, I was making trips to the bathroom as often as I could physically manage. I didn't often feel like I had to pee, but when I labored with Avett I ended up having so much urinary retention that I needed to be straight cathed, and as I later found out, my full bladder slowed my laboring process. I was trying to keep this labor progressing as smooth as possible so I was trying to do all the things right that I had done wrong the first time. So along those lines, I was also sure to move into the suggested positions from the RN. Previously, I would avoid them because they were uncomfortable. Well, no duh, they are the ones that help push the baby into the birth canal. This time I was all about it. The only suggestion I didn't heed was to sit on the birthing ball. I had no desire to sit directly on that hemorrhoid. I was much more content with laying on either side or kneeling.
Aaron was doing a great job of helping to keep me focused. He gave me great reminders to focus on my breathing, how to breathe properly, to breathe the pain away, and to focus on our reward- our daughter.
There were two things that I was very grateful that the nurse did. 1) she never once asked me if I wanted an epidural or any other medicinal alternative to help ease the pain, and 2) she gave me a cotton ball with ginger and lavender essential oils on it. I held onto that thing like it was my lifeline and I inhaled it as if I would die without it. It had such a powerful, calming effect on me.
Throughout this time, Aaron was sending periodic updates to our families. At one point I told him to let Laura know that I wanted her at the hospital whenever she was able to make it in. She got to the hospital somewhere around 6:30, I'm guessing. She and Aaron took turns rubbing my back, getting me ice packs for my neck, and giving me encouragement throughout. The doctor came in around 7 and checked my dilation. She told me I was at 8 cm. I was torn; I felt so close but so far away! She broke my water and she said "This is going to go quick. I'm gonna go run to an appointment just down the hall, but if you need me, page me. I've got my running shoes on."
After she left, the nurse kept asking me if I felt baby girl moving lower each time I had a contraction. It was a bit of a mind game; was that lower? Do I feel like I have to push? Was that any different than before? There was a lot of second guessing. And a lot of hopeful I think she was lower?? As the contractions definitely were getting more intense.
At one point, I told the nurse, that I thought the doctor better get here because I felt ready to push. I'm pretty sure when she came running back, she said I was still at 8. Maybe she said 9, but all I really know for certain was that it wasn't 10 -- and I wasn't ready to push. And part of my cervix was still in the way. At this point it felt like the contractions started to space out and decrease in intensity.
This part becomes a little blurry as the pain became so surreal. With a couple of pushes, the doctor was able to clear my cervix out of the way. And with what Laura and Aaron are guessing to be 4-6 pushes, baby girl was welcomed to the world.
As great as I felt throughout the first phase of labor, I felt completely uncoordinated during the second phase. I couldn't get my breathing right, I couldn't tell when to start pushing, I couldn't push hard enough, I couldn't push long enough, I couldn't bare down deep enough. But somehow we made it through.
Baby girl came into the world and onto my chest. She was there for a moment long enough to see her sweet face and blonde hair. Her forehead and nose were bruised and swollen. She wasn't crying. Joann was rubbing her back but there wasn't a response. They took her over to her incubator and that's when I finally heard her sweet little cry. When you read this and picture this, it seems like a long time has gone by, but in the reality of it happening it went by very quickly. The nurse was swift to take her away and get her breathing.
She stayed in her incubator to get measured and cleaned up, and was eventually brought back to my chest for some cuddle time and nursing.
We were with her a while before we made any phone calls to family. We held her and bonded with her, and tried desperately to figure out her name. But that took a full 24 hours to narrow down.
The first visitor that Haddie met (besides Auntie Dori) was my mom who was able to come in before work. The next visitors were Avett and Auntie Mooey. Avett was definitely out of sorts and wanted nothing to do with his mom-mom until the end of his visit -- he warmed up enough to come and sit close by. My dad came after work and a few hours after that Bryce, Cindy and Grandma Mickey made their arrival. Avett came back with Aunt Laura and Uncle Woody. And my Aunt Jane, Uncle John and cousin Maya came up for a short visit.
On Saturday everyone came back to get another look at our girl. My Aunt Carol came over and my grandparents stopped by to meet their third great grand child.
We also had Dr. Kufahl from the OB office come in and check on me and Dr. Richter came from the pediatricians office to check on Haddie; both ladies were all good and cleared for discharge. Around 1 o'clock we were out the door and heading home to start our new adventure together!
Home has helped Avett transition much better. He likes to help hand me diapers and wipes and pat Haddie's back when I'm burping her. He asks to hold her. And likes to look at her when she's sleeping. He loves talking about her feet and eyes. He likes to snuggle up close when we're holding Haddie.
The truth to it all is that my family makes it so easy to love them. I love this life we have together.
